


Windows and pencils

by ca_te



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2010-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-11 12:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 20 July 2009. Selected by the mod at dn_contest over at Livejournal. Thanks to Jenwryn for the beta.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Windows and pencils

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 20 July 2009. Selected by the mod at dn_contest over at Livejournal. Thanks to Jenwryn for the beta.

Linda spent a lot of her time by the window. It didn't matter if there was rain or sunshine outside. Windows were the part she liked the most at Wammy's, because windows were like eyes open on the world, for her and for the other orphans.

Linda was good at imagining things, but there was something she really wasn't able to imagine well, and that was how life could be outside. For a long time she hadn't had this need to imagine what was like to live in the world, to have a job, to have a family. It had started when Mello and Near left.

It was painful, because it was like watching small pieces of her own life flyaway. She had grown up with Mello's shrieks and Near's silences.

She desired so badly to imagine where they were, what they were doing. She wanted to know for herself and she wanted to know for Matt.

 

Matt spent most of his time looking outside the windows too. They often sat side by side. Matt didn't play his video-games much. He used to keep his goggles constantly on his eyes.

Once he had looked at her and had asked where she thought they were. His voice was soft and thick, like cotton. Linda knew that "they" could only mean Mello. She desired to know the answer too. But all she could do was let her thin arms surround Matt's bony shoulders. He seemed nothing more than a child.

Matt didn't know how to hug a girl. He had learnt how to hug Mello. Just that.

Linda asked Matt to be a model for her works. It was just a way of asking him to be together. To wait together.

Matt smiled at her. She was the sister he had never had.

 

But waiting was hard. It was like being in the middle of the ocean. The time ticking away too slowly. The time losing sense.

Matt had always thought he would be able to wait for Mello all the time needed. He had understood long ago that it wasn't normal, that it wasn't normal to crave so much for his friend. But he couldn't help it. He had decided long ago that Mello would be the first one, and the only one.

But waiting was painful. It was like trying to reach something and hitting his hands, his face, his body against a wall, like a fly hitting the glass till it dies.

 

Linda was too sensitive for her own good. And she understood the way Matt felt.

She felt that their world was cracking at the edges. She was too sensitive not to suffer bacause of it.

So she just said it. She just told Matt that he could touch her if he wanted. Matt felt a sharp pain running around his organs, crawling up his spine. Because Matt knew he was weak, he knew Mello had long ago destroyed the ties which had kept his desires at bay. Before desiring Mello, Matt hadn't allow himself to desire, he had thought that desiring something was selfish and painful.

He still desired Mello,though, and being left behind, waiting, was just too much.

That's why they had to set aside the drawings, the pencils and the silence.

 

As Linda removed her dress, her hair fell on her shoulders like brown waves. Matt felt guilty as gold hair flashed in his mind. Linda padded on the floor, towards the bed. "I don't mind, Matt, if you think of him". Her body was soft and flexible. Matt wanted to disappear into the white bliss her body was. Because like that it was possible to cool the pain of the wounds, because like that waiting was less lonely.

 

It was a clouded morning. Linda woke up in her bed. There still was the shape of Matt's body at her side, on the mattress. There was still the mix of their smells hanging in the air. Linda knew just by touching the spot where Matt had slept for months. It was already cold.

Linda knew exactly where to look. She opened her sketch-book. Matt's handwriting was a bit inclined to the right, he had pressed the pen on the paper a lot.

Matt had never written a farewell note before. He had never received one.

He just wrote what he thought. "I'm not made for waiting. Thank you." He thought it might be too cold, he didn't want Linda to be hurt, Linda who had welcomed him inside her body, inside her life. He added a "Love you" and his name.

 

Linda padded to the window. She sat there, her pale skin exposed in the half-light. She thought that maybe she was made to wait, to wait for them and for their warmth to come back.


End file.
